roamania

I arrived at school early today (6:57) and decided i would need a coffee to make it throughy my morning of physiology. So I made my way to the small coffee bar in my school’s lobby, which I was happy to see open already. I walked up to the counter as a lady in her early sixties begrudgingly made her way over to me. This was our exchange:

Me: good morning!

Lady: *blank stare*

Me: ok um May I please have a grande americano?

Lady: fine. *sticks out hand for payment*

Me: I have debit *smile*

Lady: UUUGGGHHHHHHH

Me:…. Sorry. I never carry cash

Lady: apparently. *passes debit machine*

Me: thank you!! *walk over to waiting area for my drink, noticing there are now a couple other people in line*

Lady: *passes me my drink* so you know, we DO NOT OPEN UNTIL 7am. And now because I served YOU early, I have to serve these other ASSHOLES early.

Me: …….. Um sorry! I thought you were open because-

Lady: WHATEVER *walks away ignoring me*

It’s going to be a great day.

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fifty shades of I’M LOSING MY FUCKING MIND

i just spent the last 2 days continuing the fifty shades series. and i fucking hate these books. i finished the second one tonight which i begrudgingly started because i’m a tool and found myself actually wondering what happens. WHY DO I CARE??? innumerable things bother me from the poor writing to the thinly veiled Twilight connections to the fact that this dude always has a god damn condom on hand (which, don’t get me wrong, i’m thrilled to see some safe sex happening, but it’s ridiculous). plus this chick calls her vagina her “SEX”. THAT IS NOT A SYNONYM FOR VAGINA. and why can’t she just say the word dick? or cock? or PENIS? plus, i barf every time she says “oh my!” or “holy crap!” and Christian’s obsessive, creepshow, SERIAL KILLER behaviour is entirely disturbing. 

the plot(s) in the second book get pretty crazy (mostly in the illogical, “what the hell is going on” sense) and it ends on a total cliffhanger that i saw coming a million miles away. the book’s only redeeming quality is chapter 18 (my reaction via text msg while reading chpt 18: “I’M GOING TO PASS OUT READING CHAPTER 18”) but not enough to make up for the rest of the crap. SO MUCH CRAP. it’s painfully evident that during the second book the author decided she really needed to drive home the whole reason behind the book’s title. wanna get drunk SUPER FAST? take a shot every time ana calls christian “fifty” or “fifty shades”. it’s. so. painful.

i’m glad this book is guiding some people into more adventurous sexy time and i hope husbands/boyfriends/whoevers the world-round get some action as a result of shy or bored or what-have-you partners reading the series. i just wish the books were written by someone who knew more adjectives for things besides ‘grey’ and who didn’t just happen to google BDSM one day. 

now if you’ll excuse me, i have to go read the last book. 

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I’m moving some of my books into my new home office (aka the lounge) and in doing so have noticed a few things about my personal library:

- it includes 7 books about girls’ abductions, 9 memoirs by drug addicts, and 3 memoirs by ex-prostitutes

- of the 80ish books I have, only 12 are fiction (which includes the twilight series and hunger games….)

- I apparently hate hard cover book sleeves because I have removed them all (except one)

- the weirdest book I own is probably “Don’t Call it Love” which is a book about sex addiction recovery from a sex addiction course I took in school

- I own 6 coffee table books and do not have a coffee table. Though I really want one now to display them

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meagan’s book review aka book WARNING

hey friends!

if you follow me on twitter (and yes, i feel like a total asshole when i say that) then you have seen me mention the book “fifty shades of grey” a few times. if you aren’t aware of this book then i’m not sure where you’ve been because it is on the news, in magazines, on talk shows, and most of all everywhere on the internet. SNL even did a skit about it last weekend. i decided i needed to read this book because i do whatever celebrities and the media tell me to do and because i am a perverted old man. the book is extremely explicit and follows a dom/sub relationship between a wealthy dude and a girl in her early twenties and i felt i should write this post to let you guys know just how fucking filthy this book actually is. 

i will mention that besides the pornographic content, the writing isn’t all that spectacular. It’s a very easy read in terms of language but could be a difficult read if you have delicate sensibilities or are one to take masturbatory breaks (should you feel so inclined). i scanned a few excerpts which i will now share. (sorry for the poor scanning quality. not sure what that’s all about).

if anything on this list is something you would not want to read about in explicit detail, then do not read this book:

actually there isn’t any suspension… yet. i haven’t finished reading it though so maybe there will be eventually. i probably shouldn’t do a book review before i’m done reading the book, but whatever. couldn’t be bothered to wait. i’m trying to help you all! 

then, please read these two passages. if at their conclusion you have a boner or are interested in learning more, then this book is for you:

to be completely honest, after the first couple sex scenes, i became completely unaffected by them which is partially why i’m getting through this book so quickly. maybe it’s because i have done a fair amount of academic research and writing on sexuality and i’ve become desensitized, but i’m finding myself going through this book the same way i got through the twilight series: reading it to say that i read it. which is a ridiculous thing, but nevertheless the way i seem to enjoy spending my time.

i just really hope it gets made into a movie starring zac efron. or ryan gosling. or chris hemsworth. or 1997 mark wahlberg. 

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Public Service Announcmemt

If a woman you know (or don’t know for that matter) mentions to you that she thinks she’s going into early menopause, tell her to take a pregnancy test immediately. I have recently learned that every early menopause diagnosis is actually a surprise baby. Every. Single. One.*

*Well, close to every single one.

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feels vaguely innappropriate.

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